In this first in an occasional series, Nicky Browne, author of fantasy fiction for Bloomsbury, such as Warriors of Alavna, Balilisk, The Story of Stone and The Spellgrinder's Apprentice, gives a tongue-in-cheek key to successful novel planning.
1. Find coffee shop (Believe this a key component of JK's success)
Take lots of plain pieces of A4 - don't like straight lines.
2. Drink several cappuccinos, eat pain choc. Gossip to anyone you know - or if desperate chat to anyone there. Read 'Times' and then when no one is looking read 'Daily Mail'. If coffee shop has it in also read 'The Sun' and the 'Richmond and Twickenham Times.'
3. Draw large circle on page. As the first time it isn't very round
do lots, reassuring oneself that only mad people can do really good circles free hand. Do really good one and worry that actually mad.
Go back to step 2. to steady nerves. Eat sandwich as by now it's time for early lunch.
4. Mark up the quarter and half hours on circle as if it were a clock face ( with an elastic number of minutes). Make quartile marks larger so it is easy to see what has happened by these key points.
Decide how many chapters you want the book to be and then mark off the number of chapters for each quarter of the book. (40 chapter book = ten chapters per quartile = 10 marks between 12 o' clock and 3 o' clock.) Do this several times as it's very hard to keep the 'minutes' evenly spaced. (This obviously does not matter, but can waste hours.)
5. Think about plot. Fill in already written chapters very neatly on minute marks. Must be time for a glass of wine by now(?) but as working try not to give into temptation. Resist urge to do something more interesting like empty Thames with a thimble or trim the grass in nearby Terraced Gardens with nail scissors etc.
Decide what is main story arc. Where does this bloody story end?
No idea at all? OK what might be the climax? Decide would rather have a job working in the coffee shop than have to wrestle with such things. Make enquiries. As staff exhibit no interest in employing inveterate time-waster return to task.
6. Fill in as many of the minute marks/chapters as possible. Mark different voices in different colours (if supply of pens have not been nicked by children.) Give it up for the day and then repeat.
7. Waste lots of paper trying to roll out enough plot to get to the end. Try to ensure that something interesting happens either just before or after each of the quartiles. Inspect plan for boring parts - if too many boring bits together try to think of something else. Note where plot builds up and flags. Try to make sure continues to build appropriately. Try to make sure suitable numbers of chapters are given to set up, climax, and resolution ( or that the plan fits any other bizarre structural idea you have come up with.)
Make sure end connects with the beginning somehow. Admire handiwork.
Feel in control and on top of it all.
Reward self with large glass of wine...
8. Lose plan and any sense of being on top of it all. Bewail fact that if only you had it - there would be no plot problem in
chapters 25-30. Finish book. Find plan under a heap of papers, a lost GCSE assignment, the gas bill and several mouldering coffee cups.
Discover plan is illegible, but as far as you can tell book somehow follows plan - plan too vague on the bits that were dodgy to have made any difference any way... Wonder why wasted time on plan.
You can read more on Nicky's website: www.nmbrowne.com